take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
