i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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