M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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