people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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