the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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