The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
