Got a toothbrush?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
