i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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