I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We left the knife in your bed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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