Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
