Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
