dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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