Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
try to milk me bitch
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