He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
