I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
