Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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