last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
