Just cropdusted the office
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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