Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
