I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
