dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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