He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
