You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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