dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
