On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
