all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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