when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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