Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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