oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
