He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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