we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
