apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
