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Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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