May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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