I love black thongs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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