I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
