I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
