Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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