You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
