The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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