Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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