Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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