yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
