oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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