You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
