I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
