somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
