Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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