he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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