Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
