oh god the rape fog is back!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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