I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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