If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
