Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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