I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
