I hope mine doesn't look like that
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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