Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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