giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
