Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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