Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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