Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
