ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
