I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
