Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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