There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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