If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
