I'm eating all of the evidence.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
