wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I could have mohawked her pubes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
