I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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