no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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