he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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